A Truly Spiffing Parody of 'My Immortal'
by Catmadperson
Summary: This is a posh parody of the infamously bad 'My Immortal' fanfic, based very loosely off Harry Potter . I have written this as a request for CrowsAce. Hope ya'll enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Greetings readers; I shall promptly begin my thrilling tale, but please allow me first to introduce myself and set the exposition. The given name that my parents chose for me is Ebony Dark'Ness Dementia Raven Way. My outward materialisation of my genetic code consists of long, ebony black hair (which, most amusingly, is how I got my name), with purple streaks and red tips. This splendid concoction of coloured hair tumbles down like a shimmering gothic rainbow to the mid-point of my back. In addition to this, I have the most astonishing ice like blue eyes - some have suggested that they are like lipid tears. It is also been suggested that I look like an 'Amy Lee', whatever one of those are!

Contrary to what my name may lead you to believe, I do not partake in the same family tree as the popular figure 'Gerard Way'. As happenstance would have it though, I cannot deny that it would particularly bother me to be related to 'Gerard Way', as he is a spiffingly handsome devil, if you catch my drift!

It should be noted that I happen to be of that nocturnal, blood feasting species; also known as 'vampires'. I do not suffer from that pointy fangs problem, however, and my teeth are in fact the most exquisite specimens of food choppers you could possibly have, all straight and pure white like snow. My supernatural features do not end there, no sir; as it would so happen, I am a witch as well. My occult status has allowed me to be part of a magic institute, known as the 'Hogwarts', situated in the fair land of England, United Kingdom. At this fine institute, and with the seventeen years that I have lived and converted oxygen to carbon dioxide on this planet, I reside in what is referred to as the seventh year.

My clothing choices are often described as being of the gothic genre. I have a burning passion for 'Hot Topic' and I spend all those monetary representations, known as 'coins', on garments there.

For instance, on this present day, I so happen to be wearing a delightful combination a black corset with some matching delicate lace design around it, a black leather 'mini' skirt, pink 'fish-net' stockings and twee little black 'combat' boots. In terms of the mandatory face paint that my kin do so enjoy, I am demonstrating the use of black lip paint, white face paint, black eye paint and red powder on my eyelids.

On this present day, I was going on a gander about the Hogwart's grounds; there was light precipitation and a slight snow shower, so thus no solar light was shining. This was beneficial to I, as I tend to sparkle and shimmer like a collection of diamonds, which can be distracting to the casual passerby. Therefore, this lack of 'solis' put me in a most joyous mood.

A bunch of the hoi-polloi stared most rudely at me. I simply shook my head and then wrote a strongly worded letter to my local member of parliament over the disgraceful behaviour of the local youth.

"Greetings, fair Ebony!" called a masculine voice. I looked up. It was that fine old fellow... Draco Malfoy!

"How goes life, Malfoy?" I questioned.

"Relatively little is occurring," he replied back with a shy nature.

However, I was unable to further expand upon this riveting conversation, for my chums called me over and I had to bid that lovely chap Malfoy farewell.


	2. Chapter 2

The consecutive day, I awoke from my slumber in the void of unconsciousness. The atmospheric conditions were most peculiar again, with precipitation taking place in both the form of liquid and frozen dihydrogen oxide; how I possessed this knowledge before opening up my sarcophagus will be a mystery that will forever remain unanswered. Back to the action at hand however, I opened the door of my funerary box and took a swig from my sanguineous flask. The aesthetic of my coffin was of the traditional gothic convention, the wood being black ebony (like my namesake) and on the inside was a rather dashing hot pink velvet, perhaps a touch risqué, and a black lace finish. I proceeded to begin my dressing, starting with quadruple earrings in my ears that somewhat resembled a colander and I also styled my hair in what is referred to as a 'messy' bun.

My good chum Willow so happened to awaken at this point, greeting me with a facial expression that suggested happiness. To give you a visual description as to what her outward appearance is like, she has exceptionally long waist length hair to which the colour resembles that of a _corvus corax_. Serving as a juxtaposition to this, she has pink streaks running through her locks. Her irises were a most remarkable colour that happened to resemble the green of luscious forest growths. My chum picked out her apparel for the day, which on this fine day consisted of a T-shirt that paid homage to the musical icon Marilyn Mason, a black skirt that was rather short of length, tights of the fishnet style, and heeled boots. After dressing, my pal and I underwent the ritual of adorning our faces with pure white foundation, which does unfortunately give us a slight unhealthy parlour to our faces, and black lipstick and eyeliner.

"Oh my flaming giraffes! I happened to see you partaking in conversation with that Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she exclaimed with a high level of enthusiasm.

After telling her off for her rather strong use of language, I responded back, blushing somewhat, "Indeed I did, may I ask as to why you ask so?"

"Do you happen to have a soft spot for that old boy Draco?" she enquired as we exited the Slytherin common room and out the Great Hall.

"Oh my gosh, I so happen to accursedly not!" I said in a rather loud voice, in an attempt to hide my growing romantic inclinations towards the male but at the same time subtly suggest that I did have romantic feelings for him, which is quite a feat to undertake.

"By golly you do!" she exclaimed. And, in a moment of startling irony, Draco happened to stroll up to me.

"Good day to you," he greeted me.

"Good day to you," I responded back, trying to project something of a 'flirty' nature into my tone of voice.

"I wish for you to take a chance at guessing at what I wish to engage you in conversation about," said he.

"And what would be this topic of conversation that you wish to partake in conversation about?" I enquired, most intrigued about what the subject of the conversation he wished to initiate in could perchance be.

"It so happens that the musical assemblage known as the Good Charlotte are participating in a concerto in the town of Hogsmead," he informed me.

I could not help but use strong, emotive in expressing my excitement in this announcement, "Oh my frolicking Jehovah!". The Good Charlotte just so happened to be my most cherished musical assemblage, besides MCR (the My Chemical Romance, who truly convey the 'emo' tribe to which I happenstance belong too).

"Can I take your excitable exclamation as a positive sign and therefore proceed to ask you if you would so happen care to join me on this musical excursion?" he asked.

I could not help but exhale carbon dioxide loudly at this.


End file.
